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Paula Deen, John Edwards and the FBI

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Today we get tweets about Paula Deen’s diabetes (and subsequent ad campaign), John Edward’s heart problems and ways the FBI will begin to hide classified info.

Enjoy!

Richard LawsonCan’t believe Paula Deen turned out to be Wilford Brimley doing drag this whole time.via web · powered by

MPHDBREAKING NEWS TODAY: PAULA DEEN HAS TYPE 2 DIABETES. OTHER NEWS: AIR IS IN MOST PLACES ON EARTH. ALSO: THE SKY IS BLUE.Career Exploration.via· powered by

God“John Edwards Has Life-Threatening Heart Problem.” Yea, as has already been well-documented.via· powered by

The Fake CNNFBI to begin storing classified info.What Does It Take to Become an Accountant?. in folder labeled “Nickelback.”via· powered by

Josh HaraDear Religion, Pics or it didn’t happen. Love, Sciencevia web · powered by

Darth VaderNow that S&P downgraded Italian and French bonds, can I interest you in some very safe “Death Star 3″ bonds?via web · powered by

Eric StangelTila Tequlia to become Jewish. That is going to be one fucked up bat mitzvah…via web · powered by

Andy BorowitzGOP Trivia: Newt Gingrich has now been in the race longer than any of his marriages.via web · powered by

mattI will keep donating to Suicide Girls until they find a cure.via web · powered by

HAL 9000That “humans can’t survive in the vacuum of space” rumor isn’t quite as foolproof as I was led to believevia web · powered by

The Fake ESPNWilt Chamberlain’s 34 free-throw attempts record was beaten last night, but his record of having 34 penises remains uncontested.via· powered by

Clarke KantI’m not embarrassed to admit I’ve googled “Scarlett Johansson boobs” before, but I am a bit embarrassed to admit I’ve done it 140,000 times.via· powered by

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